Neocritical

How's Your Toy?

2007-02-14T10:38:00.001-05:00

After seeing Bush’s 60 Minutes interview, it was Senator Webb’s turn to ask, “How’s Your Toy?” during his SOTU democratic rebuttal. But he didn’t.

Bush and his Death-Beaters have tankloads of ways to toy with us, none of which involve risking any personal harm to their bodies. Well, if you don’t count that Cheney’s stomach is tattooed with “I’m Vice President and You’re Not.” Sorry, not really -- it says, “Thou Shalt Kill.” Proof that Cheney’s type of power-crazed mentality can stomach anything.

Like Woody in Toy Story, Bush has spent the last six years trying to get rid of the Buzz Liberals...uhh, Lightyears, in Congress. Now he says he wants to be bi-friendly, all the while covertly taking away their abilities to stop him -- a ploy older than the prehistoric shark found last week.

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Bush’s “Surge” is another ancient shell game. Especially since he refuses to tell us his definition of winning in Iraq -- other than protecting “our” interests, of course, and those of the Iraq Oil Ministry.

My question: Since when did corporate interests become United States interests? The following might be an example of why they don’t fit the definition of “our” interests:

Exxon/Mobil has “permission” from its State of Incorporation and the U.S. government to do business in the U.S. and in other countries. Stock in Exxon/Mobil’s corporation can be bought by owners, employees, other U.S. citizens, and citizens of other countries. This statement is true of any corporation doing business and selling public shares in the international stock markets.

Does Exxon/Mobil’s mode of business seem like “U.S. interests” to you? It seems like an Exxon/Mobil interest to me, but it’s only one example.

UNPLANNED OBSOLESCENCE

Next question: What kind of “interests” require killing in order to achieve their goals?

Clearly, these interests are known for only one “thing” throughout history -- they take over manufacturing and distribution of “toys” that the world’s Lego-people cannot live without: Money, health care, electricity, water, gas. Food and shelter.

Embassies and U.S. Military bases in other countries are good examples of our interests -- and without doing any research, I’d have to acknowledge that other countries’ interests are represented by Embassies in the U.S., but not by military bases.

If true, this observation begs the question: Why does the U.S. operate military bases in other countries but we don’t allow other countries to operate military bases in the U.S.?

And THAT observation begs the question: Now that China practically owns us, via Bush’s deficit spending, should we be expecting the Chinese to protect “their” interests and build military bases here in the future?

Will the Chinese military soon be calling door-to-door with our troops?

Will our occupation be just as much fun as shopping for a toy taser at Wal-Mart?

THIS ONE'S TO DIE FOR!

Well, this is one fact: U.S. citizens would not tolerate our own or any other countries’ military presence hanging around to inject their corporate interests into our domestic resources. We saw a preview of injectional popularity -- with Katrina -- and we hated it.

Iraq doesn’t want “our” injection. Neither does Afghanistan. Neither do we. This is why Bush has to subvert our Constitutional rights in secret, and Cheney claims the administration’s plans will “not be popular with the public.”

This administration believes history will prove their worth, or something, and they’ll be immortalized as honorable men. Weird.

Scoppertop hopes history will prove that their power-crazed mentality is a form of mental illness -- maybe it’ll be called “Cheneyphrenia.” Hopefully, history will also think to recommend treating this sadistic disease with a lobotomy.

Last question: Will our new Congress even be able to get rid of Bush and Cheney legally, or will the Cheneyphrenics be allowed to continue treating the world’s people like toys -- correction -- toys with wallets?

It's Dem-ver!

2007-01-11T20:48:00.000-05:00

Dems have chosen Denver for their con-vention. Interesting, isn't it?

In fact, who cares whether either party has their prop-fest, or where?

The Final Throes of Peace

2006-11-30T19:21:00.001-05:00

Americans who still want to pre-pay peace's funeral are in the minority -- and they must really hate it. The Bush league's histrionics-meter has risen from orange to red on the blogs, and the nastiness is the nastiest I've seen yet.

A writer for Haaretz.com, Bradley Burston, posted a chilling view of the Israel/Palestine conflict titled "Ten ways to make sure that peace stays dead," which so totally mirrors our own Conservative/Liberal fracas, it's prophetic.

We know the Middle East conflict is older than the Bible -- remember the Philistines, AKA the Peleshti in the New Testament? They're the modern-day Palestinians. The ancient Pharisees rebuked by Jesus happen to be the Farsi-speaking Persian people today.

So, the English language changed their names. To protect...? Historically, civilizations in the Middle East had never been interested in sharing, but Bradley Burston's blog wouldn't be published by Haaretz if there weren't others like him -- he sees it as a place where peace goes to die. Is pre-paid the way to go?

CHOOSING BURIAL OR CREMATION?

Burston's pleas to conquer death vs. diplomacy attitudes in the Middle East also apply to the festering conservatives vs. liberals blather online. Here is Scoppertop's Americanized-Version of his observations, Ten Ways to Start an American Civil War:

1. MY side has the only valid arguments. YOUR side is lying, stupid, crazy, or all three.

2. The men, women, and children on YOUR side do not deserve equal respect, quality of life, nor even to share the planet's resources with MY side.

3. The dead and wounded military, civilians, and surviving families on YOUR side do not deserve honor or respect, but on MY side, they are true heroes and worthy of sympathy.

4. The word 'Terrorism' only describes what is done to the people on MY side BY the people on YOUR side. MY side only practices 'acts of self-defense.'

5. YOUR side should happily accept the consequences of inferiority to MY side. If YOUR side fights back, you will be punished.

7. YOUR side's strategy will destroy America and surrender us all to the terrorists. MY side's strategy is the intelligent way to manage the war on terror.

8. MY side's most-extreme policies must be followed or members will risk the label of leaning toward YOUR side. YOUR side's most-extreme policies are insane and undeniably followed by all members.

9. YOUR side's accusations and threats to MY side are crimes. MY side's accusations and threats to YOUR side are perfectly legal and directly proportional to the closeness of MY side to the truth.

10. YOUR side is responsible for the escalation of horrors in Iraq. Cause and effect does not apply to actions on MY side.

GIVING YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES "PEACE OF MIND"--WHAT A CONCEPT

Both sides can't be correct! Their only successes are attacking each other. MY side and YOUR side members should revise and adopt the Haaretz articles policy for posting comments. Here are five "Grounds for Deletion" on their Talkback Forum:

"1. Racist remarks, as well as slurs on the basis of religion, ethnicity and gender.
2. Use of the terms Nazi, Hitler, ethnic cleansing, to describe the actions and policies of Israelis,
Palestinians or other parties to the Israel-Arab conflict.
3. Disparaging remarks, personal attacks, vulgarities and profanities directed at other participants in the forum.
4. Advocacy of violence against individuals or religious, ethnic or racial groups, including statements which may be
construed as urging attacks on leaders, officials, security forces or civilians.
5. Use of the phrase: "There are no Palestinians" or derivatives thereof."

Conservatives and Liberals hoping to avoid Civil War II could at least take the time to read Burston's article and accept his invitation to civilized discourse. Here's the link, or click on the title above:

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/790722.html

NOTIFYING YOUR NEXT OF KIN, IF ANY?

We're either headed for pre-paid Armageddon or an end to all armed conflict. Not both.

After Vietnam, a popular bumper sticker stated, "If Guns were Outlawed, Only Outlaws would have Guns." The last time I commented on an article, I said the only way to achieve justice and endless peace is to criminalize the manufacture of all weapons. The author later added the comment, "and lock up the criminals in office."

I forgot to add, "and destroy the existing weapons," but it's so true. How the weapons go from 'existing' to 'destroyed' is our choice and our future.

Visit the Whacks Museum!

2006-11-10T09:46:00.000-05:00

We're putting our best butts forward! Grab your paddle and play!

The newest exhibit, Out With the Old SoD, is sure to please:

Donald Rumsfeld: Looks so alive, you'll swear his body is
still attached under the platter!

Inside the Red Room, each whack elicits a comment. Our faves:

George Allen: Macaca. It's what's for dessert.

Ken Blackwell: Special Delivery!

Conrad Burns: I'm breaking up with the landlord's daughter.

Mark Foley: I'm breaking up with the landlord's son.

Bill Frist: That depends upon the interpretation of the
word, "running."

Katherine Harris: Hmguppl-a-el-bel abb ruh-mon-ge-lai-lau.
Tu-ta-lu. (Translation from Tongues to English: "I'm going to
Rehab! Amen.")

Rick Santorum: I'm gonna wash that dog right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that dog right outta my hair...

Don Sherwood: F%@k the babysitter!
___________________________

Comments left from behinds in the Blue Room:

Clint Curtis: Whistleblowing is STILL against the law.

Harold Ford, Jr.: Don't call me, I'll call you.

John Kerry: Just say no to the speechwriter.

Ned Lamont: Hey, guv'nor, can you spare a dime?

Reader creations or suggestions encouraged. Satisfaction guaranteed or your country back.

Electus Interruptus

2006-10-30T22:02:00.003-05:00

ELECTUS INTERRUPTUS
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

On November 7, U.S. citizens will go to bed horny, but wake up in Nightmerica. The uggg’ggly. We’re setting ourselves up for pre-orgasmic letdown, according to “Badmouth” Rove, who has access to GOP-victory software, I meaneth, polls the rest of us know nothing about.

GOPwarts is now running the Super-Savior Special -- a Swiftboat in the hand is worth two in the Bush. Like turnabout isn’t fair play. Here’s the campaign ad I’d like to see plastered on the airwaves over the next week:

[Fade In: Author/Narrator voiceover, Roll Diebold Voting Machine Source Code]

Maybe GOPwarts’ base only understands a Holy language--one spoken by those individuals in direct contact with God. Some ancient tongue. Or the King's Spanglish.

[Roll 2000-2004 Election Results]

Brought to you by the Bush Family Multitude of servile accomplices. 2006? Abyssmal...President Evil II getteth two-thumbs down. Sneak Preview? Faithful Leader Exorcises 2008 Election Due To War with an Oil-Producing Country Requiring Resurrection Near You! (End Note: OR--Jeb Rules--subtitled: Oh--you’re the president’s brother? How nice for you!)

[Roll New York 9-11 Montage]

In The Beginning, Larry Silverstein, et.al., lease WTC buildings in July 2001 at $3.2 billion, insure against terrorist Jihad, then trotteth ass home with righteous profit, after suing Insurers for double blood money--since two planes hit two monoliths at two different times. Tsk. (End Note: No reports of "laying on of cash" heal victims' families!) Tsk, Tsk.

Larry even collecteth an extra $500 million on "pulled" Building 7. (End Note: My own insurance got cancelled after I was merely robbed.) How convenient for you, Larr--all three gone before Sabbath Day!

[Roll Pentagon Smoking Hole]

Air Force One Cometh Not. Camera Film Runneth Away. Only the renovated section getteth hit. (End Note: Maybe their Insurers hateth the new look!) Cover-Up nominated for Best Supporting Performance in a Purification.

[Roll Patriot Act Document]

100-page Overnight Miracle thrust into law like a Pagan Orgy! PNAC Host of Kind Benefactors luxuriate post-coitally in The White Temple, pouring saltpetre on our crucified sensibilities. They giveth us guns. Scribes taketh notes for Neo-Testament. (End Note: Coming Soon! Take the Neo-Testimonial!)

[Roll Bin Laden Montage]

Osama Bin Laden--alive, threatening, and taking credit for 9-11 on prime-time, after having denied it, O Repeatedly, forever and ever! (End Note: Judas Priest! Another Bush Disciple down the oil pipeline!) Our troops are still in Afghanistan guarding Democracy -- I meaneth, the Road to service said pipeline. I do pray Osama didn't needeth our tax money to produce his timely little warnings.

[Roll Iraq War Montage]

Three Intelligence Insults: Shock and Awe. No WMD. Iraqi Elections. C'mon, we knoweth already. Machines Elect Leaders--Not People! (End Note: Dear Diebold: Use of my slogan in your advertising will resulteth in civil lawsuit. You can’t use the gramatically correct form, Leaders Are Elected By Machines--Not By People, either.) Iraq Revolution against hellish occupation mistaken for Civil War. Stray the Course!

[Roll Environment Montage]

Worldwide asthma rates triple, not confining Bated Breath to Metropolises anymore! Polluting Industries maketh us think that cigarette smoke is the culprit behind this phenomenon (End Note: Very Clever.) Really clever if they think they only killeth Liberal Lungs with their Revelations. Holy Water turneth to sludge -- or gas. Fill ‘er Up!

[Roll Abortion/Gay Marriage Split Montage]

Hitched, by virtue of leprous build-up to Election Day tribunals. Those who have ears, let them hear. Most voters can't affordeth pregnancy terminations for their daughters. Duh. They can't afford gay male harlots, either. (End Note: Gay GOPwarters never get married, they’re too IM-barrassed.) The list goeth on.

[Roll Detention Camp Montage]

These are the stakes... if you soweth seeds of dissent, you will find yourself a place in the pokey! (End Note: Where the sun don’t shineth!) Americans will getteth mugged or killed, not for their iPods, but their RFID chips. Martial Law reigneth over the land.

[Roll Congress/White House Aerial Montage]

I’m not even going to mention the Halliburton Money-Changers, the Ken Lay Sacrificial Bull, or the...

[Sound FX: Ripping Fabric--lights fade to static background]

I Rent my Nightclothes! (End Note: I’m not even going to finish this commercial!)

You’ll have to finish the future yourselves, with your kids, I meaneth, lambs. (End Note: GOPwarts hath no lambs--but WE do!)

Good night, fellow Nightmericans--and heavenly dreams... (End Note: I hope a Democrat earnethed your vote.)

[Roll Touch-Screen Ballot with Democrat's Name Checked and Fade Out]

LESSONS FROM CONSWERVATIVE U.

2006-10-16T14:50:00.001-04:00

LESSONS FROM CONSWERVATIVE U.
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

Back to School. Isn’t it interesting how the well-placed addition of the letter “W” can turn the word conservative, an adjective, into an action verb, con-swervative? Whatever the word, doesn’t it kinda conjure up visions of Halloween candy dancing in the heads of college Republicans, while snug in their beds?

No? In last year’s pre-October surprise, Bush lectured the earth in preparation for his Iran invasion in NYC at the 2005 UN Security Council Summit, which I’m sure sounded like the voice of my grandmother over the bellowing they’d been hearing from his monstrous creation, John Neck-Bolton. Snaa’aaarl.

BTW, Grandmother always said, “When people say something bad about somebody else, they’re really talking about themselves.” Why, it's Grammie’s old “takes-one-to-know-one” routine, and the eve of Iran-Gate ‘06 seems the perfect time to share my handed-down analysis.

IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE...

Text from Bush’s UN speech is used here to demonstrate the “swerve” technique -- he begins his self-revealing banter as early as paragraph two, right after the opening niceties:

“We meet just over two months after the terror attacks in London, one year after the terrorist massacre of schoolchildren in Beslan, and four years after the terrorist attack in this city. Acts of terrorism like these emerge from a radical ideology that tolerates no dissent, and justifies the murder of innocent people as the best way to achieve its goals.” G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Uhh, last I checked, Bush has actually upped his intolerance to “combative” dissent with his neo-Military Commissions Act, and, uhhh-oh... isn’t murder what “he” did to the “now deceased” Iraqi “innocent” people who got in “his” way? In our name? About 655,000 of them at last report?

...DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!

Bush has been telling us for years that staying the course for victory (which implies the existence of a country of losers -- Tsk) is the best way to achieve our goals in Iraq. Why are “these” acting radical ideologues’ goals any different than “his?” Bush now thinks the answer is found in the Iraqi toleration of a level of violence (read: murder) toward 655,000 “real” humans in their quest for freedom. It’s almost at Biblical levels of toleration.

There’s more... and again, it’s Abra-ka-Dubya’s brand of revelatory magic:

“The United States also reaffirms its commitment
to support the prevention of unjust armed conflict,
particularly in Africa...”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Did ka-Dubya’s statement come with the hidden disclaimer, “except for me, whereas, I reserve the right to fabricate so-called enemy possession of WMDs, AND I’m allowed to use criminal acts of treason to prevent anyone from exposing evidence of my fabrications.”

WILL IT EVER COME CLEAN?

Next up, ka-Dubya reveals he’s had a plan all along -- and “real” humans could wisely change this plan to fit Bush and his “enablers,” if we want to stop their neo-shenanigans:

“We must do all we can to disrupt each stage of planning
and support for terrorist acts. Each of us must act, consistent
with past Security Council resolutions, to freeze terrorists' assets;
to deny terrorists freedom of movement by using effective border
controls and secure travel documents; to prevent terrorists from
acquiring weapons, including weapons of mass destruction.”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Unwittingly, ka-Dubya has provided us with Grammie’s solution to rid the free planet of “these” G.I. Joe action-figures that call themselves our leaders -- just substitute the words, “The United States” for “We,” and “unjust armed conflict ” for “terrorist acts,” and “Bush Enabler(s)” for “terrorist(s),” and... Ohhh, alright, I’ll just swerve his words here for you:

“THE UNITED STATES must do all we can to disrupt each stage
of planning and support for UNJUST ARMED CONFLICT. Each of us
must act, consistent with past U.S. CONSTITUTION resolutions, to
freeze BUSH ENABLERS’ assets; to deny BUSH ENABLERS’ freedom
of movement by using effective CRIMINAL INCARCERATION controls
and secure (confiscate) BUSH ENABLERS’ travel documents, to prevent
BUSH ENABLERS from acquiring (and using) weapons, including
(manufacturing and maintaining) weapons of mass destruction.”
-- Scoppertop 10/13/06. Wouldn’t ya’ know...

Paging UN Security Council Members -- get on it pronto, but keep it secret from Neck-Bolton... and don’t forget to freeze the BUSH ENABLERS’ assets that were secreted into their offshore bank accounts! Talk about smoked-offshore bacon... A refund of our taxpayer money from frozen (read: liquidated) Con-U warmonger assets would be a nice bonus outcome to a UN-enforced end to the Iraq war.

NEXT TIME, TRY "WISK!"

Just over one year later, ka-Dubya is busy pulling the dusty “Illusion of WMD” trick out of Iran’s hat, but his magician-costume sleeves are too “rolled up” to hide the nuculars. Bush Enablers can’t even hide their lies under the USS Eisenhower flotilla, now parked near Iran’s Halloween-decorated territorial waters -- a sacrificial lamb if I ever saw one.

Bloody hell! Bush might as well drag Iran’s WMD through the mud of New Orleans so our new neo-media “critics” have something dirty to pounce on, instead of egging Iran to pounce on a territory-invading flotilla... why couldn’t it be Chevon’s “The Condoleezza Rice” sitting out there?

Too bad they don’t teach anything except how to be a white-collar criminal at Con-U. Bush’s last Iran-Gate revelation was part of the closing niceties -- by now, you can see the swerve for yourselves:

“Terrorism and armed conflict are not only threats to
our security, they're the enemies of development and
freedom for millions.”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Other security threats and enemies of development and freedom that ka-Dubya fails to mention are: Karl “Bad-mouth” Rove, his VP, his SOD, his SOS, his AG, his speechwriters, his appointees, his invited audiences, his rigged election-machines, his propaganda, his prowling for dissenters, his family history, his corporate lobby, his gouging and subsidies, and his stock-market, war, and oil contractors in top government positions.

WOULD YOU JUMP OFF A CLIFF JUST BECAUSE YOUR BEST FRIEND WANTS TO?

How could we forget our GOPwarts Congress-full of Con-U alumni with blatant disregard for the quality of anyone’s life but their own?

“These” and other Con-U lessons never end, they’re drilled into Bush Enablers’ heads repeatedly until the evil finally merges seamlessly with the gray matter -- Bush Enablers are the annoying little brats with Torture-ette Syndrome that we finally learned to ignore. Years ago. Before our feelings got hurt.

Is it becoming our duty to stoop to their level? It’s a start. There’s a reason that “devil” is nothing more than “evil” with a well-placed “D.” Those who have ears, let them hear the swerve.

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?

2006-09-30T10:25:00.003-04:00

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

A fine example of an ancient GOPwarts family value, T.I.C. [*Torture Is Cool] probably begins before potty-training. We should feel sorry for parents whose baby-Neanderthals become first-class button-pushers to all the easy targets by kindergarten -- besides giving a whole new meaning to the term, “pusher-man” -- but we don’t.

Somehow, mini-society rewards T.I.C. behaviors -- the easy targets earn more ridicule from a larger audience over time, because the perps create and maintain the target’s negative rove. . . uhhh, role. Eventually, height-intimidated teachers begin their customary appeasement by looking the other way.

THE APRES-TORTURE PARTY

And today’s lesson is. . .so what? Making others look bad makes the perps look goo’oood! Rii’iiight! Perps just wanna-become “bad boys” that every popular girl (or boy -- Down, Gannon!) will lust-forever-after. Fortunately, most T.I.C.-ers end up as adults seeking control-freak careers: Doctor, Lawyer, Congressman, Thief; Banker, Broker, Halliburton Chief! Only a “chosen” few become President.

Future GOPwarters (why does their name sound like a German beer?) probably graduate to full-blown Torture-ette Syndrome (T.S.) in college -- what kind of Neanderthal doesn’t mind being tortured in order to join a club whose sole mission is allowing new members to freely torture rival Neanderthals and newer members, for 3-1/2 more years? Talk about groupstink!

Even their drinking games are a post-barbaric-ritual holdover -- wine was not a new product in the Old Testament -- and why would “popular” Laura marry a drinkin’, tokin’, and cokin’ man unless she was a party-er, too? Curious. More GOPwarters from the beerbong, anyone?

HAUNTED HOUSE OF CARDS

Scoppertop fiend-ly remembers two older boys in our neighborhood using T.I.C.-niques on mice and lizards -- our “bad boys” informed us that members of the animal kingdom can’t feel fear, which made us question why said members run like hell when anybody tries to capture them.

We moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 7. T.I.C.-boy #1 grew up to become a cop (Controller Of People). We found out T.I.C.-boy #2 chose “male witch” as a profession (but don’t you dare call him a warlock!) when a local journalist saw fit to interview him for the paper’s Halloween edition 10 years later.

Said journalist somehow neglected to relate how #2 would hide on his roof and throw down a life-sized “dangling stuffed corpse complete with noose” on top of unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. I’m sure #2’s mother thought his “Halloween Surprise” was funny -- at least he didn’t grow up to be President.

WHO GOES THERE--FIEND OR FOE?

GOPwarts might have a bunch of Forbes 400 billionaires and old party-ers in their club, but there isn’t anything Grand about them, except maybe their compensation-per-second. Then again, all control freaks look alike to Scoppertop -- it’s in the eyes, which always appear habeas corpus-less and cold as a male-witch’s tit. (Down, Gannon!)

Since GOPwarts’ torture bill has “nothing” to do with national security, here’s an ancient toast to protect all Americans from our past and future T.S. sufferers-in-charge:

May Bush never explode your frogs, may Dr. Frist never perform surgery on your non-anaesthetized cats, and may only the sulfurous-smelling devil find out what evil lurks in the hearts of Cheney and Rumsfeld -- and may you never become the easy target “who gets in their way.” Amen.

Bush's War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment

2006-09-15T00:59:00.001-04:00

Bush's War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

In Bush’s latest campaign, Pre-Emptive Wars ‘R’ Us, “he” explained that “some” need to learn how to stop psychopaths from trying to rule the world -- apparently, psychopaths should be stopped as soon as “they” write a manifesto. If “we” ignore those words of evil, “we” will pay the price. “He” didn’t say what “his” grand-daddy Prescott Bush learned 60 years ago from financing Hitler’s rise to power, but “he” did mention that “others” will look favorably upon “our” War on Terror -- 200 years in the future.

In “this” century, “some” think it would be nice if “he” would state “our” objectives in Iraq -- Bush saying that “we” won’t leave Iraq until “our” objectives are met doesn’t tell “us” anything ‘bout objectives.

THE 3-D MANIFESTO

“Dubya,” “Don,” and “Dick” repeat over and over that training Iraqi forces to perform “their” own security will hasten “our” retreat, but “the 3-Ds” won’t tell “us” what Iraq’s new military will be securing. “The 3-Ds” once said “we” are staying the course until the Iraqis can protect “their” profits from “their” oil wells and pipelines to finance “their” own democracy.

Of course, the “3-Ds” want “us” to think the Iraqis will own “their” oil when “we” leave, but “that” ain’t the truth. BTW, “Scoppertop” kinda liked GOPwarts’ original name for toppling Saddam’s regime: Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL). Oh, and Iraq gave two-thumbs down to “our” petrodollar -- “Saddam” was caught selling Iraq’s oil priced in “Euros”, so “we” had to get rid of “him.” Seig Heil!

Maybe the best way to end “our” current occupation in Iraq is for the “foreign-owned” oil companies to place an ad in the Iraqi classifieds. . . “Help Wanted: Oil Industry Security Positions, All Shifts, Top Pay!” But, nooo’ooo -- as long as Congress is making “us” pay for it, “we” are going to attack Iran because baaaa’aaad Iran won’t let “us” own “their” oil or build pipelines through “their” country, either.

Oh, but “we” will be the proud suppliers of WMD to Israel. Go for the gold! Black gold. . . Texas Tea. . .Well, the next thing ya’ know, Ol’ Dub’s a trillionaire; the kin-folks said, “Dub, move away from there!”

MOVING VAN CARRIES A BIG STICK

If “Dub” isn’t moving fast enough for “some”, it’s because “some” have finally figured out that “we” cannot be protected against “terror” by the very “psychopaths” who created this monstrous abomination in the first place. As of the 5th anniversary of 9/11, GOPwarts has proven to “us” that creating monsters is the ONLY thing “they” are good at.

OK, “Scoppertop” lied -- GOPwarts is also great at keeping secrets and writing manifestos. Unfortunately for “us,” the remedy for “backfired” does not appear anywhere in the “Manifesto Troubleshooting Tips,” but “fanning the flames” is found on page 911. Coincidence? Or Conspiracy?

If it seems like fighting an uphill battle for “some” to try getting “our” psychopaths out of the White House and into Rehab, it’s because “War” is GOPwarts’ middle name. “They” will come up with a new “War” against any argument “some” can hurl at them. And if “we” can’t be fooled again, well. . . “they” will think of “some” way to get rid of “us,” too.

NEVER GETTIN' ANYWHERE

“Dubya” did say “we” won’t be leaving Iraq as long as “he” is “President.” Obviously, the poor fratboy is only doing “his” damnedest to start a “War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment,” but the majority of “us” who think “he” sucks are writing “him” a “Dear John” letter, anyway.

Dear (p)Resident Bush:

“You” and “your” psychopathic “pals” wrote a 1990’s manifesto called “Project for the New American Century,” which highlighted “your” evil plans for manipulative fear and global domination in the new millenium.

“You” used 9/11 to launch “your” scheme, but told “us” that “our” War On Terror was all about bringing democracy and freedom to “the world.”

“We” and “the world” listened to “your” words, ignored “your” manifesto, and “we” have all paid a terrible price -- mortally and financially -- now about triple what “you” said it would cost “us.” It’s over, baaaa’aaaby.

“We” never really loved “you,”

US

P.S. Don’t let the WMDs hit “you” in the ass on “your” way out the door.

Freedom of Breach: The Amendments

2006-08-27T19:58:00.001-04:00

FREEDOM OF BREACH: The Amendments
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

AMENDMENT OWE-ONE

Americans have the freedom to pay 100 times more for electricity than it costs the utilities to provide. The freedom to pay $70 per month for a phone number that anyone can use, for example, to say they’re so sorry you missed your fraudulent appointment to have your satellite dish installed -- or that you won a Lexus RX330 in a sweepstakes they will claim you recently entered at the mall.

Obviously, there are living humans who still fall for this tactic, since solicitors wouldn’t be doing it otherwise. Deception has become a “product.” Even my bank account has become a product. Companies don’t give their products away. I don’t want to give mine away, either.

If a telephone solicitor wants to call any of my phone numbers, their company should pay me $1.00, automatically deducted from their bank account product and credited to my phone service product. If I have to answer, or they want to leave a message on my voice mail, they can pay me another dollar.

If my power is interrupted for any reason besides non-payment, I should be credited for one watt-hour, the extra spin on a meter when everything in the household surges back to life. If the phone goes out, I’ll want long distance revenge -- 5 cents for every minute I am deprived of my service. Ditto for water, with all those annoying bacteria, bubbles, and rust.

Why should I be forced to give away my products to unwanted customers? Junk mailers can credit my garbage pick-up service. Spammers can credit my ISP user account. Parking Lot flyer distributors can leave a $1.00 coupon toward my next car wash -- or my car insurance. Door-to-door salesmen can credit my homeowner's insurance. Industries who cloud local air and water with waste can credit my life and health insurance -- and pay to have my house painted (and clean my plumbing pipes and air ducts) every five years. The service I provide all of them costs me money.

I won’t mention the number of my hours spent per year fixing large corporate mistakes at, let’s say, $100 per hour. I'm worth it. I finally got rid of AOL, but had to hang up on the first service rep after 20 minutes of a sales spiel for their Broadband service, tell the "second" rep I was moving off the planet and no longer required AOL (I said “Jupiter” when he asked where I was going), return two “Thanks for Agreeing to Continue Your AOL Service” forms with “Error” box checked, and call Amex to change my credit card number. Total 2 hours. Where’s my $200?

I’d like to propose a solution -- Terms of Payment should replace Terms of Service policies. Let’s toss TOS! If you sell me a product or service (including government) that does what it is supposed to do, lasts as long as I do, and doesn’t create other problems in my life or wallet, screw up the environment, or kill me or my fellow humans, I’ll pay for it -- or you can take it back. In the meantime, I’ll just keep trying to get credited where credit is due.

AMENDMENT OWE-TOO

Why is the standard deduction for income taxes only $5000? In 1913, it was $3000--an amount based on the cost of living for one year -- you couldn’t live under a freeway overpass on $5000 now. Looks like the IRS forgot what the deduction amount was supposed to represent.

I vaguely remember learning about Indexed Income Taxes in the Pre-Lobby, Pre-Multi-Trillion-Offshore-Tax-Haven years--and it worked like this: If you made below $3K, you paid nothing. $3K to Infinity went up the scale until the top earners paid 87% to Uncle Sam. It wasn’t profitable to overcharge or pay yourself unnecessarily lavish compensation if you only got to keep 13%.

We called it the American Way -- the idea proposed by our Revolutionary Forefathers to create a true democracy where citizens were free from all types of corruption and sociopathic price gouging, which is what Ben Franklin meant by "a Republic, if you can keep it," when he was asked what type of government the Forefathers were planning for us. Unfortunately, their idea also included getting rid of the rightful citizens here at the time.

This phenomenon is called the “Human Way,” not to be confused with the “Humane Way.” Now, George II is busy foisting the Human Way on the populace of the Middle East that surrounds Israel and its illegally occupied territories. Kids can be so cruel. How much will we be paying for gas once Georgie and his bullies own it all -- lock, stock, and $500 per tankful?

WHY NOT? IS NOT AN ANSWER

Why do American taxpayer dollars pay Halliburton, et.al., to build oil pipelines overseas that belong, not to us, but to the oil companies? Why are we paying our troops to protect these privately-owned enterprises? Because Georgie Too calls it the War on Terror, that’s why. We’ll be paying for the Alaskan pipeline, too. Where's my rent money, or will he call it the War on Bigfoot?

Why don’t Americans recognize their own money when it reappears in somebody else’s wallet? Freedom of Breach has become the global product--and I have more “why” questions. Why are the oil companies allowed to charge so much for their products? Why does gas cost 25 cents more per gallon in Georgia than in Florida, Tennessee, Kentucky, or Ohio?

Why are billions of taxpayer dollars being given as subsidies to gargantuan corporations when we also have to pay for their products? Wall-to-Wal-Mart got $50 million last year for building one store in Florida -- Is that why they hired former Florida Congressman-turned Lobbyist Sam Gibbons as their mouthpiece? They just fired former-mayor-turned-Lobbyist Andrew Young last week for anti-Semitic comments so they could build one near downtown Atlanta. Wal-Mart should be using their own profits to expand their business, instead of ours.

Why does the video game industry make violence "fun" for $10 billion a year--just from our American kids? Apparently, Hollywood should be so lucky. Why is the biggest money grubber Big Pharma, whose products kill 40,000 Americans per year -- death by allergic reaction? Oh, the terror!

Why did a bunch of prominent scientists on the brink of introducing cures for various diseases and non-polluting energy resources end up “mysteriously dead” recently? If something happens to our planet, the rich guys will be the ones living in the International Space Station, not us Mere Plebeians who happened to pay for the Space Program--if I don’t get to go, I want my money back.

WHY NOT?

Seeing as the rich guys got all their money from selling overpriced stuff to us and our ancestors, you’d think they’d let us have something for our contribution to their tax havens. Looks like these rich guys owe all of us poor customers a refund. At least, a return on our investment. Uncle Sam’s lobby gets that, too. What an expensive trick.

Last month, Warren Buffett gave $32 Billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. I’d like to make a suggestion to B & M for $280 million of it: Give ten thousand dollars to each US citizen next year on their birthday, automatically deducted from your non-profit foundation product and credited into our bank account product. Fair's fair.

How to Speak in Tongues to Ann Coulter

2006-08-27T19:43:00.002-04:00

How to Speak in Tongues to Ann Coulter
*by Scoppertop

The party according to Ann "same initials as the Anti-Christ" Coulter apparently has its own club, and she recently invited alleged petty shoplifter Claude Allen* into the billfold. Berating the New York Times coverage of Allen’s adventures in customer refunds, besides her archaic "three strikes" analogy, Ann’s stoop-d’tat sentence in her "Revenge of the Queers" column was this one:

"I've never seen people enjoy another person's private pain so much —
at least not since a prosecutor started investigating Rush Limbaugh
for taking too many back pain pills."

Rush’s private pain has downshifted to Viagra status, and Ann is still harlottely basking in the attention given to her blasphemy of the 9/11 widows. The only "broad" I can see is the space between Ann’s horns, since I’ve never seen a non-possessed person enjoying death so much. If Democrats are Godless, the A-C must be Soulless.

THE ANTI-CHRIST IS RIGHT!

All right, then. Maybe Ann would like to play more of my lengthy, perversely pleasurable game called "Revenge of the Quotes." I don’t have that long to live -- thank Godless.

I’ll go first. Ann’s private pain must be neo-speak for unmentionable illegal activities of sociopathically-inclined famous people. In Scoppertop’s club, private pain has unmentionable-non-illegal-activities of normal, non-sociopathic-people status, but we were talking about Ann’s club. See? This game is child’s play.

In Ann’s club, what born-again Neocons do to avoid private pain is play frat-boy pranks like buying cartloads of stuff to keep and getting refunds on different cartloads of identical stuff. Or soliciting teenage girls and boys on the internet. Or voting illegally using an address where you’ve never lived while hideously insulting the wives of victims of the biggest hoax ever perpetrated on any nation in history. Ask Michael Ruppert.

ANN LOVES THE RULES!

Ann mostly loves to torment Democrats -- she often prophesies that they’re "known for unprotected sex with men they don’t intend to marry." Am I allowed to wonder how many of Ann’s ex-fiances were coerced into engagement by her promise of quasi-legitimate pre-marital sex? I think there were four of them, so A-C’s 4 for 4 in the private pain (PP) department.

Ann also claims Republicans are known as the anti-slavery party. Hmmm. Funny how all the anti-slavery party members relocated to the former pro-slavery States -- and aren’t we all slaves to their price-gouging and propaganda? Two more P’s for A-C’s chastity belt. But back to my favorite game.

BEHIND ABYSS #1...

Ann’s showcase begins with a time-travel trip to beautiful 1940’s Bavaria, complete with Nazi accent:

"Just a few weeks ago, (Al) Gore gave a speech accusing the Bush administration
of deploying "digital Brown Shirts" to intimidate journalists and pressure the media
into writing good things about Bush, in case you were wondering where all those
glowing articles about Bush were coming from." Ann Coulter 7/26/04

I derive my game’s perverse pleasure in knowing the digital brown shirts have since been exorcised, Ann... et Tu? Am I allowed to wonder whether the above could be an example of Ann’s alleged plagiaristic tendencies? In retrospect, A-C is correct -- Bush’s approval ratings have taken on a rather radioactive glow lately. Wouldn’t you know, I’d also like to suggest a name with lots of W’s for Ann’s club -- but I can’t think of one.

BEHIND ABYSS #2...

A-C’s secret favorite is concealing a fabulous four-year safari through the African veldt, playing blind-man’s bluff (or was their game called patsy-yellowcake?) with your personal "Club-Head" tour-guide:

"Rove had simply said Wilson went to Niger because of his wife, not his skill, expertise,
or common sense. It was the clown himself who outed his wife as an alleged "covert"
agent by saying he was not recommended by his wife, and thus the White House must
have been retaliating against him by mentioning his wife." Ann Coulter 7/13/05

What a trip. Gee, Ann, I’m beginning to wonder about your legal qualifications, too. Maybe you paid some blonde to take the bar exam FOR you and THAT’s why you dye your hair that yellowfake color!

WHOEVER COMES CLOSEST...

Before we reveal the divine Abyss #3, let’s examine Ann’s bidding. We know presumed-innocents Claude Allen, Karl Rove, and Rush Limbaugh are recruits for the A-C club. How about Scooter-Pants Libby? One-Shot Cheney? Tom DeLayer Cake and Eat It Too? Jack--uhhhh--who-be-moff? And will there ever be a posthumous induction for Ken "where’s-the-body-and-when’s-the-funeral" Lay?

Ann is going to have to do better than squawk her mantra, "Take the NEO-Testimonial" to attract paying* membership. Here’s her Neomission Statement, in tongues:

~Bush is the Lord thy God, thou shalt suffer His word without end.

~Thou shalt worship no other God before Bush, blaming thou the graven Clinton image for all disasters.

~Thou shalt not speak the name of the Lord thy God in private pain.

~Remember the Election Day, and keep it hole-y.

~Honor thy father and thy mother, especially if they have offshore accounts.

~Thou shalt not kill, unless provoked, imaginary WMDs or not.

~Thou shalt not commit adultery, but mistresses, pedophilia, and porn aren’t really sex.

~Thou shalt not steal. Call it "suggested retail price" instead.

~Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor except for use as political capital and pre-emptive war. Don’t forget to block cease-fire attempts!

~Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife, ass, etc., only thy 2006 percent-per-gallon mark-up.

~Thou shalt not pay, in any way, shape, or form.[*]

THE SIGN SAYS, "THIS IS IT!"

And now I present the showcase Ann covets most, Abyss #3, where the contestant who bids closest to the actual retail price -- or is it cost -- receives Everlasting Life-Support in the Holy Land and the handy "Get Out of Hell Free Card." Democrats are Godless and therefore rendered ineligible for inclusion in the New Jerusalem, Heaven, or Hell, according to A-C, who dances the Apo-Calypso on their graves as an added bonus:

"In the history of the nation, there has never been a political party so ridiculous as today's Democrats. It's as if all the brain-damaged people in America got together and formed a voting bloc." Ann Coulter 1/12/06

Scoppertop is not a Democrat, but is brain-damaged, i.e., it’s too bad I couldn’t think of a fitting name for Ann’s club. I did manage to think of a sign with lots of W’s that Ann can post in the window of her clubhouse to pull people in off the street -- Wack-Ins Welcome -- and she’ll need a slogan: Keep the W sticker. Lose the Wisdom.

Give The Gift of Reason -- The National IQ Card!

2006-08-27T19:37:00.002-04:00

Give the Gift of Reason - The National IQ Card!
*by Scoppertop

Last year, Neocons had to sneak their undebated Real ID Card legislation inside an $82 billion Congressional request for funding our military in Iraq. Sure, other countries have them, but not with ALL their private pain on a "locator" chip that also includes a database for fraudsters to hack. Kommen Sie clean, boys! What’s the National ID Card for, really? And why 2008?

State Driver Licensing Agencies would be forced to issue the cards, and they’re mad about the idea. Logic dictates that since Real ID’s purported function is one of voting rights and immigration enforcement, it makes more sense for the Libraries or Immigration to operate and maintain the program.

CHERRY-PICKIN'S

What Neocons really need is a foolproof and legal way to identify those citizens who will fall for their propaganda and those who won’t. They're running 50/50. Behaving just as sneakily as the terrorists sets a bad example--and poses an unpopularity risk. Ooohhh. Too late.

I’m developing a new product to solve their credibility problems--the National IQ Card! My program will also include trick questions so Neocons can distinguish between Normal or Criminal Mentality. Norms and Crims scoring between 80-110 in the IQ-rating section are sure targets for Neocon manipulation.

An overall Gullibility Quotient (GQ) will be provided free with test results. Top-scoring Crims will be entered into a competition for a White House career! Upgrades include Blind Faith (BF), Terrorist Potential (TP), Sexual Persuasion (SP), and Recruitment Value (RV). Ask about my Upgrade Packages and save!

READY FOR YOUR FREE TRIAL?

Here’s a few sample questions that I wish Americans would have studied before taking the bait...uhhh, exam:

1. Choose the correct definition of Political Lobby:

A) Graft & Bribery
B) Illegal or unfair gain
C) Bribery & Graft
D) All of the above
E) None of the above

The correct answer is D. Political Lobby is neo-speak for its original title, Bribery & Graft, which denotes illegal or unfair gain. Crims will choose E, and SPs will misread gain for "groin" and choose B.

2. MI-6 Chief in London leaks a 2002 memo stating the Bush Administration “Fixed Policy and Intelligence” around selling a premeditated Iraq War to the American people. If all of the following statements are false, then who invented the WMD?

A) George: Condi invented the WMD.
B) Condi: Don will tell you who invented the WMD.
C) Dick: I did not invent the WMD.
D) Karl: George, Dick, and I could not have invented the WMD.
E) Don: I invented the WMD, so George is innocent.

The correct answer is C. If Dick’s statement, “I did not invent the WMD” is false, we are sure that Dick invented the WMD. TPs will pick E, but Don’s statement that George is innocent is misleading -- we only know that George is not innocent, but not that he invented the WMD. BFs will choose A.

3. A two passenger airplane is spotted within 27 miles of the White House at 10:30. US Air Force is alerted by NORAD and the plane is surrounded and diverted within 7 miles of the White House at 10:55.

On 9/11/01, the first United Airlines jet was reported hijacked at 8:23. How long did it take NORAD to respond?

A) 25 minutes
B) 32 minutes
C) 2 hours, 32 minutes
D) 145 minutes
E) No one could have predicted that terrorists would hijack airplanes and fly them into buildings!

This one is messy to grade. Norms and Crims who pick E will merit an automatic 100% GQ rating. Anyone who already knows that VP Cheney ordered a military game of hijack and subsequent WTC crash simulation exercise on 9/11 will leave this one blank and become an automatic TP. RVs will go for A, B, or D, and FIs will choose C. Made ya' look!

ONLY $19,999,999,999,999.00

With my National IQ Card, intelligence issues will never plague the White House again! Neocons will always know who they’re dealing with--my IQ Card program is their recipe for success! No need to worry about a 21st-century Deep Throat to spoil the brothel!

Good Luck staying away from the hackers, MFAs -- and use a #2 pencil. No paper receipts given.

Black-Hole Voting

2006-08-27T19:35:00.003-04:00

Black Hole Voting
*by Scoppertop

What really sucks my lifeforce into the nearest abyss is all the analyzing and chad-picking about how our 2000, 2002, 2004, Iraq, and now the Mexico elections were stolen according to the three R's: race, religion, and richness. All the least desirable votes in those categories mysteriously vaporized. Not that the chad-pickers are wrong, they just offer no solutions.

Instead, they hurl accusations at warp-speed. With black hole voting, paper ballots are probably not the answer. Plus, they can be zapped just as easily as the untraceable votes. We need black hole campaign reform -- I kinda like the idea of liars and criminals being ejected off the planet into the troposphere and beyond.

THE NEXT SELECTION

Now that Karl's back to manning Battleship Badmouth, Pillory Hillary and Sideswipe Rice pre-qualify for the new 2008 Conventions' Head Start Programs. Galactic Sandkickers will be replacing flip-flops, or Zell Miller. Choose one.

I can already see the grit hitting the delegates. DNC's poster girl will be an evil-eye cyclops photoshop image of Sideswipe saying "It's Condi -- with an i," and RNC's will show a drowning Pillory clutching a rope tied to a toilet seat with the caption, "Hillary's Whitewater can't even afford to float an innertube behind Chevron's Condoleezza Rice."

I guess Neocon-types grow up learning to bomb...uhhh, rape...uhhh, pick on girls. Women are the original slaves -- the last humans given the right to vote, own property, run a church, or run for political office -- and it's the only reason women don't run this country. Or do we?

American women outvote our men by 3 percent. We give birth to little consumers. Anti-Abortion legislation guarantees more little consumers will grow up to be taxpayers -- just in time to save Social Security -- or fight planetary enemi...uhhh, terrorism.

CODE: RED ALERT!

Women have better ideas than men. At least I do. For example, military recruitment is only down because they're trolling for soldiers in all the wrong spots. My new "Code: Red Alert" Program will place Recruiters at mall, fundamentalist church, and "Town Hall Meeting" parking lots. They'll stake out vehicles with GOP or W stickers, whose owners have to leave sometime. Recruiters will shout Red Alert!, and GOP-vehicle owners will be shamed into enlisting a family member, or fight in Iraq themselves. Choose one.

There's one little problem with "Code: Red Alert." In the wake of WMD-gate, Fake-Osama-gate, Torture-gate, Wiretapping-gate, Port Security-gate, Divine Strake-gate, ad nauseum, W stickers are slowly dematerializing. In some cases, Recruiters will be able to spy a square of adhesive when the sticker has been removed. This is a no-no. Our Military must be able to identify people who voted for war but didn't feel the need to participate.

WILL IT HURT?

This is a job for Diebold! (Sorry, Karl, machines elect leaders, not people!) Voting systems don't need a paper trail -- they need a touch-screen program that will inject a party-choice-encoded flashing RFID chip under the index fingernail of every voter. GOPwarts will approve it, they're obviously into torture.

Republican voters can check their chip at a scanner to make sure their finger flashes red, ET-style, before they exit the polls. Then they, or their first-borns, can be escorted straight to Boot Camp, while blue, green, and purple fingers float serenely away from the black hole.

Words That Begin With "CON"

2006-08-27T19:33:00.001-04:00

Words That Begin With "CON"
*by Scoppertop

Dedicated to the memory of Ken Lay. Skillayed in peace.

CONFABULATION
A bit conspicuous in the disavowals, GOPwarts now has more gates than a slaughterhouse. We’ve got “Revenge of the Quotes” on the converse side. Sooner or later, somebody confesses.

RFK, Jr., is filing two Federal qui tam “whistleblower-aided” lawsuits with evidence from the stolen 2004 election, and after reading his Rolling Stone piece, I concur. We should be demanding paper ballots in all elections until further notice.

Somebody else is confessing -- without a Grand Jury -- and with a conscience! Colin Powell’s ex-#1 man, Lawrence Wilkerson, contends he was part of an umpteen-word hoax on America, claiming "How do you think that makes me feel?" I'll say "contemptible" is the word Lawrence was searching for. You?

CONFLAGRATION
No Blood or Food for Oil, ad extremum. No BOFFO, for short. After the 70's “Gas-War," I’d think cars could be getting 1000 mpg by now. Note how Gas-War and our stealy Prez have the same initials. Sort of like Ann Coulter and Anti-Christ.

A peek at oil research would show you it isn’t fossil fuel we’re burning, but some goop concocted inside our planet. (Goop is GOP, for short--and don't forget to change your synthetic oil every 3,000 miles!) Could it be that oil and natural gas just might have a conceivable purpose for being underground? Like keeping the lava down?

I don’t know about Earth, but it sure gives me an earthquake just thinking about how big-oil conglomerates could have given one million dollars to every (legal) man, woman, and child in America with 2005’s profit, and still paid “Mr. Exxon” a $400 million bonus.

Maybe my math is unconvincing. Or wrong. Skillayed to death, even. We could hope His Fristiness at least considered giving us heart pacemakers with free installation (a $10,000 value?), rather than his $100 insult.

CONGREGATION
The most highly religious societies are #1 in violent conflict, proven in the UN’s Human Development Report 2005, who concede by honoring atheistic nations with the top rankings in human development and all quality of life categories. Odd.

One confusing thing about Abra-kaDubya’s messianic vision: none of his Armageddon-conjuring followers will end up chosen for eternal life by any God I’m aware of.

Imagine the convulsion ‘round the globe of the WACOs (We Are the Chosen Ones -- ask any Religion) when 2012 concludes with only man-made nukes and they’re left behind, condemned with fallout of a “personal” kind. Along with their "condemned." Talk about mad -- they’ll be speaking in tongues, if they still have one. Stay tuned for “How to Speak In Tongues to Ann Coulter.”

CONSTITUTION
For lack of a good place besides concrete to put our heads and hands, 68% of Americans are hung up in stocks about our constitutional freedoms. Instead of throwing garbage (like good citizens threw at Bush’s limo when he took over the White House in 2001), let’s contemplate the document that made them possible. Good-Old-Thomas Jefferson says the People have the Right to alter or abolish a Greedy-Old-Prevaricator-type of government and start over.

Of the 27 crimes-in-chief that Jefferson accuses King George, Abra-kaDubya has committed 26. I had to leave out #11 because he’s the W-A-R president. Was Independence Day 2006 too soon for W-E The People to begin regaining control of our nation? If not, I’ve got a “WE The People” bumper sticker for sale. Cheep-cheep!

CONVOCATION
Abra-kaDubya and his Death-Beaters are conniving like Wile E. Coyote, ready to push the plunger on their ACME Nuke-O-Matic Model #2, with the fuse snaking around the UN and ending in Iran. Or Las Vegas. Unless, of course, they're conspiring to dump the "New Pearl Harbor Model" on US. Again. (See CONFABULATION) A heads-up -- they’ll be blaming this one on North Korea -- last week’s conclusively failed tests were likely a sneak preview of our next pearl.

Don’t we already know the Death-Beaters won’t get away with their crusty old WMD ploy again? IMO, a mushroom cloud blooming anywhere on the globe is worse than seeing Bush/Cheney’s outlines imbedded at the foot of a cliff. Beep-Beep!
After all, you’d have to be unconscious to still be defending all those lies.

Hey, a million-dollar rebate from Big Oil might convince me to keep my Scoppertrap shut, but I figure I’m doing my part by having the guts to spread the word, while the Death-Beaters have my phone number. Word.

Four Hotels on Boardwalk

2006-08-27T19:30:00.002-04:00

Four Hotels on Boardwalk
*by Scoppertop

Now that Enron's Lay and Skilling have been convicted, I propose we call "fraud" a new slangy name like getting "Skillayed". Of course, they're appealing... in a "using the money they stole for their own criminal defense, instead of paying back the people they defrauded" way.

Meanwhile, everyone else prays they won't roll the number that will land them square on somebody's Boardwalk with four hotels. The Lays and Skillings of this world view their customers and employees as no more than diecast pot-metal figurines skipping around a game board. They can see your cash piled neatly into denominations and don't care what color they get, as long as they get it all.

THE LOSERS CIRCLE

Lay and Skilling are poor-mouthing. I'm sure it's because they couldn't possibly leak out that they've hidden their billions in offshore accounts. Poor Ken's mismanaged "discoverable" funds made him put his family properties up for collateral to pay his attorneys. He knows they'd only want more if they knew where it was. Awwww. I feel for him.

Sentencing is next. Pick a card... will it be Go to Jail, Go directly to Jail, Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200 billion dollars? Doubtful. Kenny Boy only rolls double sixes. Greg Palast reported years ago that Bush lifted the Speculative Power Trading Ban within 72 hours of taking office in 2001, which protected Americans from the very fraud Enron committed.

You've got to wonder if Big Oil can copy Enron's model and a similar "skillaying" is occuring among Big Greasy execs. You know you're living in an autocracy when your auto costs more to feed than your family. In their game, all you have to do is wait three turns as Bush appointees instead of going to jail. YOU try defrauding millions of customers and see what happens.

MORE GAME IN EVERY GAME!

Speaking of appointees, Karl Rove is off the jail-hook now, too -- free to swift-boat every challenger to the W-stapo regime with abandon. Just in time for November. So, now it's going to become lunatic-fringey to want to get rid of a bunch of crooks. All brought to you by the "criminalization" of wanting white-collar criminals to pay for their crimes. Factcheck.org says both sides are mis-representin' in campaigns thus far, and reports that voters are insulted.

What the W-stapo needs are some new game tokens. And a new game. How about MoNEOpoly?

FUN FOR THE WHOLE CRIME FAMILY!

The all-time favorite Monopoly™ token is the race car. No wonder we're oil addicts. I bet Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld would fight over the cannon, so I'll invent WMD tokens for them, or they can re-use the WMDs they invented for Iraq. A mobile weapons lab would be a nice touch for Cheney. I'll make a pink judge's gavel for Scooter. Condi would definitely want a different shoe, so I'd design a high-heeled gas pump for her to play with. Maybe an oil tanker would be more to her taste, but the boat I have in mind is reserved for Karl.

MoNEOpoly would need a shill token, but I don't think you could tell it was O'Reilly or Limbaugh on such a tiny die-cast figure. Besides, they wouldn't be able to stand up, and we all know those two probably don't have much of a third leg to stand behind. If they did, they wouldn't have to behave the way they do. Duh. It's so obvious.

I know -- the shill could be a little die-cast turd-pile. Rove could fight them for that one, especially if Condi happens to nab the boat first. Instead of houses and hotels, MoNEOpoly will use replicas of WTC 1 and 2 for the hotels, and WTC 7 for the lower rent category. Just don't land on them.