Sunday, August 27, 2006

Give The Gift of Reason -- The National IQ Card!

Give the Gift of Reason - The National IQ Card!
  *by Scoppertop

Last year, Neocons had to sneak their undebated Real ID Card legislation inside an $82 billion Congressional request for funding our military in Iraq. Sure, other countries have them, but not with ALL their private pain on a "locator" chip that also includes a database for fraudsters to hack. Kommen Sie clean, boys! What’s the National ID Card for, really? And why 2008?

State Driver Licensing Agencies would be forced to issue the cards, and they’re mad about the idea. Logic dictates that since Real ID’s purported function is one of voting rights and immigration enforcement, it makes more sense for the Libraries or Immigration to operate and maintain the program.


What Neocons really need is a foolproof and legal way to identify those citizens who will fall for their propaganda and those who won’t. They're running 50/50. Behaving just as sneakily as the terrorists sets a bad example--and poses an unpopularity risk. Ooohhh. Too late.

I’m developing a new product to solve their credibility problems--the National IQ Card! My program will also include trick questions so Neocons can distinguish between Normal or Criminal Mentality. Norms and Crims scoring between 80-110 in the IQ-rating section are sure targets for Neocon manipulation.

An overall Gullibility Quotient (GQ) will be provided free with test results. Top-scoring Crims will be entered into a competition for a White House career! Upgrades include Blind Faith (BF), Terrorist Potential (TP), Sexual Persuasion (SP), and Recruitment Value (RV). Ask about my Upgrade Packages and save!


Here’s a few sample questions that I wish Americans would have studied before taking the bait...uhhh, exam:

1. Choose the correct definition of Political Lobby:

A) Graft & Bribery
B) Illegal or unfair gain
C) Bribery & Graft
D) All of the above
E) None of the above

The correct answer is D. Political Lobby is neo-speak for its original title, Bribery & Graft, which denotes illegal or unfair gain. Crims will choose E, and SPs will misread gain for "groin" and choose B.

2. MI-6 Chief in London leaks a 2002 memo stating the Bush Administration “Fixed Policy and Intelligence” around selling a premeditated Iraq War to the American people. If all of the following statements are false, then who invented the WMD?

A) George: Condi invented the WMD.
B) Condi: Don will tell you who invented the WMD.
C) Dick: I did not invent the WMD.
D) Karl: George, Dick, and I could not have invented the WMD.
E) Don: I invented the WMD, so George is innocent.

The correct answer is C. If Dick’s statement, “I did not invent the WMD” is false, we are sure that Dick invented the WMD. TPs will pick E, but Don’s statement that George is innocent is misleading -- we only know that George is not innocent, but not that he invented the WMD. BFs will choose A.

3. A two passenger airplane is spotted within 27 miles of the White House at 10:30. US Air Force is alerted by NORAD and the plane is surrounded and diverted within 7 miles of the White House at 10:55.

On 9/11/01, the first United Airlines jet was reported hijacked at 8:23. How long did it take NORAD to respond?

A) 25 minutes
B) 32 minutes
C) 2 hours, 32 minutes
D) 145 minutes
E) No one could have predicted that terrorists would hijack airplanes and fly them into buildings!

This one is messy to grade. Norms and Crims who pick E will merit an automatic 100% GQ rating. Anyone who already knows that VP Cheney ordered a military game of hijack and subsequent WTC crash simulation exercise on 9/11 will leave this one blank and become an automatic TP. RVs will go for A, B, or D, and FIs will choose C. Made ya' look!

ONLY $19,999,999,999,999.00

With my National IQ Card, intelligence issues will never plague the White House again! Neocons will always know who they’re dealing with--my IQ Card program is their recipe for success! No need to worry about a 21st-century Deep Throat to spoil the brothel!

Good Luck staying away from the hackers, MFAs -- and use a #2 pencil. No paper receipts given.


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