Saturday, September 30, 2006

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

A fine example of an ancient GOPwarts family value, T.I.C. [*Torture Is Cool] probably begins before potty-training. We should feel sorry for parents whose baby-Neanderthals become first-class button-pushers to all the easy targets by kindergarten -- besides giving a whole new meaning to the term, “pusher-man” -- but we don’t.

Somehow, mini-society rewards T.I.C. behaviors -- the easy targets earn more ridicule from a larger audience over time, because the perps create and maintain the target’s negative rove. . . uhhh, role. Eventually, height-intimidated teachers begin their customary appeasement by looking the other way.


And today’s lesson is. . .so what? Making others look bad makes the perps look goo’oood! Rii’iiight! Perps just wanna-become “bad boys” that every popular girl (or boy -- Down, Gannon!) will lust-forever-after. Fortunately, most T.I.C.-ers end up as adults seeking control-freak careers: Doctor, Lawyer, Congressman, Thief; Banker, Broker, Halliburton Chief! Only a “chosen” few become President.

Future GOPwarters (why does their name sound like a German beer?) probably graduate to full-blown Torture-ette Syndrome (T.S.) in college -- what kind of Neanderthal doesn’t mind being tortured in order to join a club whose sole mission is allowing new members to freely torture rival Neanderthals and newer members, for 3-1/2 more years? Talk about groupstink!

Even their drinking games are a post-barbaric-ritual holdover -- wine was not a new product in the Old Testament -- and why would “popular” Laura marry a drinkin’, tokin’, and cokin’ man unless she was a party-er, too? Curious. More GOPwarters from the beerbong, anyone?


Scoppertop fiend-ly remembers two older boys in our neighborhood using T.I.C.-niques on mice and lizards -- our “bad boys” informed us that members of the animal kingdom can’t feel fear, which made us question why said members run like hell when anybody tries to capture them.

We moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 7. T.I.C.-boy #1 grew up to become a cop (Controller Of People). We found out T.I.C.-boy #2 chose “male witch” as a profession (but don’t you dare call him a warlock!) when a local journalist saw fit to interview him for the paper’s Halloween edition 10 years later.

Said journalist somehow neglected to relate how #2 would hide on his roof and throw down a life-sized “dangling stuffed corpse complete with noose” on top of unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. I’m sure #2’s mother thought his “Halloween Surprise” was funny -- at least he didn’t grow up to be President.


GOPwarts might have a bunch of Forbes 400 billionaires and old party-ers in their club, but there isn’t anything Grand about them, except maybe their compensation-per-second. Then again, all control freaks look alike to Scoppertop -- it’s in the eyes, which always appear habeas corpus-less and cold as a male-witch’s tit. (Down, Gannon!)

Since GOPwarts’ torture bill has “nothing” to do with national security, here’s an ancient toast to protect all Americans from our past and future T.S. sufferers-in-charge:

May Bush never explode your frogs, may Dr. Frist never perform surgery on your non-anaesthetized cats, and may only the sulfurous-smelling devil find out what evil lurks in the hearts of Cheney and Rumsfeld -- and may you never become the easy target “who gets in their way.” Amen.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Bush's War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment

Bush's War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

In Bush’s latest campaign, Pre-Emptive Wars ‘R’ Us, “he” explained that “some” need to learn how to stop psychopaths from trying to rule the world -- apparently, psychopaths should be stopped as soon as “they” write a manifesto. If “we” ignore those words of evil, “we” will pay the price. “He” didn’t say what “his” grand-daddy Prescott Bush learned 60 years ago from financing Hitler’s rise to power, but “he” did mention that “others” will look favorably upon “our” War on Terror -- 200 years in the future.

In “this” century, “some” think it would be nice if “he” would state “our” objectives in Iraq -- Bush saying that “we” won’t leave Iraq until “our” objectives are met doesn’t tell “us” anything ‘bout objectives.


“Dubya,” “Don,” and “Dick” repeat over and over that training Iraqi forces to perform “their” own security will hasten “our” retreat, but “the 3-Ds” won’t tell “us” what Iraq’s new military will be securing. “The 3-Ds” once said “we” are staying the course until the Iraqis can protect “their” profits from “their” oil wells and pipelines to finance “their” own democracy.

Of course, the “3-Ds” want “us” to think the Iraqis will own “their” oil when “we” leave, but “that” ain’t the truth. BTW, “Scoppertop” kinda liked GOPwarts’ original name for toppling Saddam’s regime: Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL). Oh, and Iraq gave two-thumbs down to “our” petrodollar -- “Saddam” was caught selling Iraq’s oil priced in “Euros”, so “we” had to get rid of “him.” Seig Heil!

Maybe the best way to end “our” current occupation in Iraq is for the “foreign-owned” oil companies to place an ad in the Iraqi classifieds. . . “Help Wanted: Oil Industry Security Positions, All Shifts, Top Pay!” But, nooo’ooo -- as long as Congress is making “us” pay for it, “we” are going to attack Iran because baaaa’aaad Iran won’t let “us” own “their” oil or build pipelines through “their” country, either.

Oh, but “we” will be the proud suppliers of WMD to Israel. Go for the gold! Black gold. . . Texas Tea. . .Well, the next thing ya’ know, Ol’ Dub’s a trillionaire; the kin-folks said, “Dub, move away from there!”


If “Dub” isn’t moving fast enough for “some”, it’s because “some” have finally figured out that “we” cannot be protected against “terror” by the very “psychopaths” who created this monstrous abomination in the first place. As of the 5th anniversary of 9/11, GOPwarts has proven to “us” that creating monsters is the ONLY thing “they” are good at.

OK, “Scoppertop” lied -- GOPwarts is also great at keeping secrets and writing manifestos. Unfortunately for “us,” the remedy for “backfired” does not appear anywhere in the “Manifesto Troubleshooting Tips,” but “fanning the flames” is found on page 911. Coincidence? Or Conspiracy?

If it seems like fighting an uphill battle for “some” to try getting “our” psychopaths out of the White House and into Rehab, it’s because “War” is GOPwarts’ middle name. “They” will come up with a new “War” against any argument “some” can hurl at them. And if “we” can’t be fooled again, well. . . “they” will think of “some” way to get rid of “us,” too.


“Dubya” did say “we” won’t be leaving Iraq as long as “he” is “President.” Obviously, the poor fratboy is only doing “his” damnedest to start a “War On Pre-Emptive Impeachment,” but the majority of “us” who think “he” sucks are writing “him” a “Dear John” letter, anyway.

Dear (p)Resident Bush:

“You” and “your” psychopathic “pals” wrote a 1990’s manifesto called “Project for the New American Century,” which highlighted “your” evil plans for manipulative fear and global domination in the new millenium.

“You” used 9/11 to launch “your” scheme, but told “us” that “our” War On Terror was all about bringing democracy and freedom to “the world.”

“We” and “the world” listened to “your” words, ignored “your” manifesto, and “we” have all paid a terrible price -- mortally and financially -- now about triple what “you” said it would cost “us.” It’s over, baaaa’aaaby.

“We” never really loved “you,”


P.S. Don’t let the WMDs hit “you” in the ass on “your” way out the door.