How's Your Toy?

After seeing Bush’s 60 Minutes interview, it was Senator Webb’s turn to ask, “How’s Your Toy?” during his SOTU democratic rebuttal. But he didn’t.

Bush and his Death-Beaters have tankloads of ways to toy with us, none of which involve risking any personal harm to their bodies. Well, if you don’t count that Cheney’s stomach is tattooed with “I’m Vice President and You’re Not.” Sorry, not really -- it says, “Thou Shalt Kill.” Proof that Cheney’s type of power-crazed mentality can stomach anything.

Like Woody in Toy Story, Bush has spent the last six years trying to get rid of the Buzz Liberals...uhh, Lightyears, in Congress. Now he says he wants to be bi-friendly, all the while covertly taking away their abilities to stop him -- a ploy older than the prehistoric shark found last week.

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Bush’s “Surge” is another ancient shell game. Especially since he refuses to tell us his definition of winning in Iraq -- other than protecting “our” interests, of course, and those of the Iraq Oil Ministry.

My question: Since when did corporate interests become United States interests? The following might be an example of why they don’t fit the definition of “our” interests:

Exxon/Mobil has “permission” from its State of Incorporation and the U.S. government to do business in the U.S. and in other countries. Stock in Exxon/Mobil’s corporation can be bought by owners, employees, other U.S. citizens, and citizens of other countries. This statement is true of any corporation doing business and selling public shares in the international stock markets.

Does Exxon/Mobil’s mode of business seem like “U.S. interests” to you? It seems like an Exxon/Mobil interest to me, but it’s only one example.

UNPLANNED OBSOLESCENCE

Next question: What kind of “interests” require killing in order to achieve their goals?

Clearly, these interests are known for only one “thing” throughout history -- they take over manufacturing and distribution of “toys” that the world’s Lego-people cannot live without: Money, health care, electricity, water, gas. Food and shelter.

Embassies and U.S. Military bases in other countries are good examples of our interests -- and without doing any research, I’d have to acknowledge that other countries’ interests are represented by Embassies in the U.S., but not by military bases.

If true, this observation begs the question: Why does the U.S. operate military bases in other countries but we don’t allow other countries to operate military bases in the U.S.?

And THAT observation begs the question: Now that China practically owns us, via Bush’s deficit spending, should we be expecting the Chinese to protect “their” interests and build military bases here in the future?

Will the Chinese military soon be calling door-to-door with our troops?

Will our occupation be just as much fun as shopping for a toy taser at Wal-Mart?

THIS ONE'S TO DIE FOR!

Well, this is one fact: U.S. citizens would not tolerate our own or any other countries’ military presence hanging around to inject their corporate interests into our domestic resources. We saw a preview of injectional popularity -- with Katrina -- and we hated it.

Iraq doesn’t want “our” injection. Neither does Afghanistan. Neither do we. This is why Bush has to subvert our Constitutional rights in secret, and Cheney claims the administration’s plans will “not be popular with the public.”

This administration believes history will prove their worth, or something, and they’ll be immortalized as honorable men. Weird.

Scoppertop hopes history will prove that their power-crazed mentality is a form of mental illness -- maybe it’ll be called “Cheneyphrenia.” Hopefully, history will also think to recommend treating this sadistic disease with a lobotomy.

Last question: Will our new Congress even be able to get rid of Bush and Cheney legally, or will the Cheneyphrenics be allowed to continue treating the world’s people like toys -- correction -- toys with wallets?

It's Dem-ver!

Dems have chosen Denver for their con-vention. Interesting, isn't it?

In fact, who cares whether either party has their prop-fest, or where?

The Final Throes of Peace

Americans who still want to pre-pay peace's funeral are in the minority -- and they must really hate it. The Bush league's histrionics-meter has risen from orange to red on the blogs, and the nastiness is the nastiest I've seen yet.

A writer for Haaretz.com, Bradley Burston, posted a chilling view of the Israel/Palestine conflict titled "Ten ways to make sure that peace stays dead," which so totally mirrors our own Conservative/Liberal fracas, it's prophetic.

We know the Middle East conflict is older than the Bible -- remember the Philistines, AKA the Peleshti in the New Testament? They're the modern-day Palestinians. The ancient Pharisees rebuked by Jesus happen to be the Farsi-speaking Persian people today.

So, the English language changed their names. To protect...? Historically, civilizations in the Middle East had never been interested in sharing, but Bradley Burston's blog wouldn't be published by Haaretz if there weren't others like him -- he sees it as a place where peace goes to die. Is pre-paid the way to go?

CHOOSING BURIAL OR CREMATION?

Burston's pleas to conquer death vs. diplomacy attitudes in the Middle East also apply to the festering conservatives vs. liberals blather online. Here is Scoppertop's Americanized-Version of his observations, Ten Ways to Start an American Civil War:

1. MY side has the only valid arguments. YOUR side is lying, stupid, crazy, or all three.

2. The men, women, and children on YOUR side do not deserve equal respect, quality of life, nor even to share the planet's resources with MY side.

3. The dead and wounded military, civilians, and surviving families on YOUR side do not deserve honor or respect, but on MY side, they are true heroes and worthy of sympathy.

4. The word 'Terrorism' only describes what is done to the people on MY side BY the people on YOUR side. MY side only practices 'acts of self-defense.'

5. YOUR side should happily accept the consequences of inferiority to MY side. If YOUR side fights back, you will be punished.

7. YOUR side's strategy will destroy America and surrender us all to the terrorists. MY side's strategy is the intelligent way to manage the war on terror.

8. MY side's most-extreme policies must be followed or members will risk the label of leaning toward YOUR side. YOUR side's most-extreme policies are insane and undeniably followed by all members.

9. YOUR side's accusations and threats to MY side are crimes. MY side's accusations and threats to YOUR side are perfectly legal and directly proportional to the closeness of MY side to the truth.

10. YOUR side is responsible for the escalation of horrors in Iraq. Cause and effect does not apply to actions on MY side.

GIVING YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES "PEACE OF MIND"--WHAT A CONCEPT

Both sides can't be correct! Their only successes are attacking each other. MY side and YOUR side members should revise and adopt the Haaretz articles policy for posting comments. Here are five "Grounds for Deletion" on their Talkback Forum:

"1. Racist remarks, as well as slurs on the basis of religion, ethnicity and gender.
2. Use of the terms Nazi, Hitler, ethnic cleansing, to describe the actions and policies of Israelis,
Palestinians or other parties to the Israel-Arab conflict.
3. Disparaging remarks, personal attacks, vulgarities and profanities directed at other participants in the forum.
4. Advocacy of violence against individuals or religious, ethnic or racial groups, including statements which may be
construed as urging attacks on leaders, officials, security forces or civilians.
5. Use of the phrase: "There are no Palestinians" or derivatives thereof."

Conservatives and Liberals hoping to avoid Civil War II could at least take the time to read Burston's article and accept his invitation to civilized discourse. Here's the link, or click on the title above:

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/790722.html

NOTIFYING YOUR NEXT OF KIN, IF ANY?

We're either headed for pre-paid Armageddon or an end to all armed conflict. Not both.

After Vietnam, a popular bumper sticker stated, "If Guns were Outlawed, Only Outlaws would have Guns." The last time I commented on an article, I said the only way to achieve justice and endless peace is to criminalize the manufacture of all weapons. The author later added the comment, "and lock up the criminals in office."

I forgot to add, "and destroy the existing weapons," but it's so true. How the weapons go from 'existing' to 'destroyed' is our choice and our future.

Visit the Whacks Museum!

We're putting our best butts forward! Grab your paddle and play!

The newest exhibit, Out With the Old SoD, is sure to please:

Donald Rumsfeld: Looks so alive, you'll swear his body is
still attached under the platter!

Inside the Red Room, each whack elicits a comment. Our faves:

George Allen: Macaca. It's what's for dessert.

Ken Blackwell: Special Delivery!

Conrad Burns: I'm breaking up with the landlord's daughter.

Mark Foley: I'm breaking up with the landlord's son.

Bill Frist: That depends upon the interpretation of the
word, "running."

Katherine Harris: Hmguppl-a-el-bel abb ruh-mon-ge-lai-lau.
Tu-ta-lu. (Translation from Tongues to English: "I'm going to
Rehab! Amen.")

Rick Santorum: I'm gonna wash that dog right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that dog right outta my hair...

Don Sherwood: F%@k the babysitter!
___________________________

Comments left from behinds in the Blue Room:

Clint Curtis: Whistleblowing is STILL against the law.

Harold Ford, Jr.: Don't call me, I'll call you.

John Kerry: Just say no to the speechwriter.

Ned Lamont: Hey, guv'nor, can you spare a dime?

Reader creations or suggestions encouraged. Satisfaction guaranteed or your country back.

Electus Interruptus

ELECTUS INTERRUPTUS
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

On November 7, U.S. citizens will go to bed horny, but wake up in Nightmerica. The uggg’ggly. We’re setting ourselves up for pre-orgasmic letdown, according to “Badmouth” Rove, who has access to GOP-victory software, I meaneth, polls the rest of us know nothing about.

GOPwarts is now running the Super-Savior Special -- a Swiftboat in the hand is worth two in the Bush. Like turnabout isn’t fair play. Here’s the campaign ad I’d like to see plastered on the airwaves over the next week:

[Fade In: Author/Narrator voiceover, Roll Diebold Voting Machine Source Code]

Maybe GOPwarts’ base only understands a Holy language--one spoken by those individuals in direct contact with God. Some ancient tongue. Or the King's Spanglish.

[Roll 2000-2004 Election Results]

Brought to you by the Bush Family Multitude of servile accomplices. 2006? Abyssmal...President Evil II getteth two-thumbs down. Sneak Preview? Faithful Leader Exorcises 2008 Election Due To War with an Oil-Producing Country Requiring Resurrection Near You! (End Note: OR--Jeb Rules--subtitled: Oh--you’re the president’s brother? How nice for you!)

[Roll New York 9-11 Montage]

In The Beginning, Larry Silverstein, et.al., lease WTC buildings in July 2001 at $3.2 billion, insure against terrorist Jihad, then trotteth ass home with righteous profit, after suing Insurers for double blood money--since two planes hit two monoliths at two different times. Tsk. (End Note: No reports of "laying on of cash" heal victims' families!) Tsk, Tsk.

Larry even collecteth an extra $500 million on "pulled" Building 7. (End Note: My own insurance got cancelled after I was merely robbed.) How convenient for you, Larr--all three gone before Sabbath Day!

[Roll Pentagon Smoking Hole]

Air Force One Cometh Not. Camera Film Runneth Away. Only the renovated section getteth hit. (End Note: Maybe their Insurers hateth the new look!) Cover-Up nominated for Best Supporting Performance in a Purification.

[Roll Patriot Act Document]

100-page Overnight Miracle thrust into law like a Pagan Orgy! PNAC Host of Kind Benefactors luxuriate post-coitally in The White Temple, pouring saltpetre on our crucified sensibilities. They giveth us guns. Scribes taketh notes for Neo-Testament. (End Note: Coming Soon! Take the Neo-Testimonial!)

[Roll Bin Laden Montage]

Osama Bin Laden--alive, threatening, and taking credit for 9-11 on prime-time, after having denied it, O Repeatedly, forever and ever! (End Note: Judas Priest! Another Bush Disciple down the oil pipeline!) Our troops are still in Afghanistan guarding Democracy -- I meaneth, the Road to service said pipeline. I do pray Osama didn't needeth our tax money to produce his timely little warnings.

[Roll Iraq War Montage]

Three Intelligence Insults: Shock and Awe. No WMD. Iraqi Elections. C'mon, we knoweth already. Machines Elect Leaders--Not People! (End Note: Dear Diebold: Use of my slogan in your advertising will resulteth in civil lawsuit. You can’t use the gramatically correct form, Leaders Are Elected By Machines--Not By People, either.) Iraq Revolution against hellish occupation mistaken for Civil War. Stray the Course!

[Roll Environment Montage]

Worldwide asthma rates triple, not confining Bated Breath to Metropolises anymore! Polluting Industries maketh us think that cigarette smoke is the culprit behind this phenomenon (End Note: Very Clever.) Really clever if they think they only killeth Liberal Lungs with their Revelations. Holy Water turneth to sludge -- or gas. Fill ‘er Up!

[Roll Abortion/Gay Marriage Split Montage]

Hitched, by virtue of leprous build-up to Election Day tribunals. Those who have ears, let them hear. Most voters can't affordeth pregnancy terminations for their daughters. Duh. They can't afford gay male harlots, either. (End Note: Gay GOPwarters never get married, they’re too IM-barrassed.) The list goeth on.

[Roll Detention Camp Montage]

These are the stakes... if you soweth seeds of dissent, you will find yourself a place in the pokey! (End Note: Where the sun don’t shineth!) Americans will getteth mugged or killed, not for their iPods, but their RFID chips. Martial Law reigneth over the land.

[Roll Congress/White House Aerial Montage]

I’m not even going to mention the Halliburton Money-Changers, the Ken Lay Sacrificial Bull, or the...

[Sound FX: Ripping Fabric--lights fade to static background]

I Rent my Nightclothes! (End Note: I’m not even going to finish this commercial!)

You’ll have to finish the future yourselves, with your kids, I meaneth, lambs. (End Note: GOPwarts hath no lambs--but WE do!)

Good night, fellow Nightmericans--and heavenly dreams... (End Note: I hope a Democrat earnethed your vote.)

[Roll Touch-Screen Ballot with Democrat's Name Checked and Fade Out]

LESSONS FROM CONSWERVATIVE U.

LESSONS FROM CONSWERVATIVE U.
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

Back to School. Isn’t it interesting how the well-placed addition of the letter “W” can turn the word conservative, an adjective, into an action verb, con-swervative? Whatever the word, doesn’t it kinda conjure up visions of Halloween candy dancing in the heads of college Republicans, while snug in their beds?

No? In last year’s pre-October surprise, Bush lectured the earth in preparation for his Iran invasion in NYC at the 2005 UN Security Council Summit, which I’m sure sounded like the voice of my grandmother over the bellowing they’d been hearing from his monstrous creation, John Neck-Bolton. Snaa’aaarl.

BTW, Grandmother always said, “When people say something bad about somebody else, they’re really talking about themselves.” Why, it's Grammie’s old “takes-one-to-know-one” routine, and the eve of Iran-Gate ‘06 seems the perfect time to share my handed-down analysis.

IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE...

Text from Bush’s UN speech is used here to demonstrate the “swerve” technique -- he begins his self-revealing banter as early as paragraph two, right after the opening niceties:

“We meet just over two months after the terror attacks in London, one year after the terrorist massacre of schoolchildren in Beslan, and four years after the terrorist attack in this city. Acts of terrorism like these emerge from a radical ideology that tolerates no dissent, and justifies the murder of innocent people as the best way to achieve its goals.” G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Uhh, last I checked, Bush has actually upped his intolerance to “combative” dissent with his neo-Military Commissions Act, and, uhhh-oh... isn’t murder what “he” did to the “now deceased” Iraqi “innocent” people who got in “his” way? In our name? About 655,000 of them at last report?

...DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!

Bush has been telling us for years that staying the course for victory (which implies the existence of a country of losers -- Tsk) is the best way to achieve our goals in Iraq. Why are “these” acting radical ideologues’ goals any different than “his?” Bush now thinks the answer is found in the Iraqi toleration of a level of violence (read: murder) toward 655,000 “real” humans in their quest for freedom. It’s almost at Biblical levels of toleration.

There’s more... and again, it’s Abra-ka-Dubya’s brand of revelatory magic:

“The United States also reaffirms its commitment
to support the prevention of unjust armed conflict,
particularly in Africa...”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Did ka-Dubya’s statement come with the hidden disclaimer, “except for me, whereas, I reserve the right to fabricate so-called enemy possession of WMDs, AND I’m allowed to use criminal acts of treason to prevent anyone from exposing evidence of my fabrications.”

WILL IT EVER COME CLEAN?

Next up, ka-Dubya reveals he’s had a plan all along -- and “real” humans could wisely change this plan to fit Bush and his “enablers,” if we want to stop their neo-shenanigans:

“We must do all we can to disrupt each stage of planning
and support for terrorist acts. Each of us must act, consistent
with past Security Council resolutions, to freeze terrorists' assets;
to deny terrorists freedom of movement by using effective border
controls and secure travel documents; to prevent terrorists from
acquiring weapons, including weapons of mass destruction.”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Unwittingly, ka-Dubya has provided us with Grammie’s solution to rid the free planet of “these” G.I. Joe action-figures that call themselves our leaders -- just substitute the words, “The United States” for “We,” and “unjust armed conflict ” for “terrorist acts,” and “Bush Enabler(s)” for “terrorist(s),” and... Ohhh, alright, I’ll just swerve his words here for you:

“THE UNITED STATES must do all we can to disrupt each stage
of planning and support for UNJUST ARMED CONFLICT. Each of us
must act, consistent with past U.S. CONSTITUTION resolutions, to
freeze BUSH ENABLERS’ assets; to deny BUSH ENABLERS’ freedom
of movement by using effective CRIMINAL INCARCERATION controls
and secure (confiscate) BUSH ENABLERS’ travel documents, to prevent
BUSH ENABLERS from acquiring (and using) weapons, including
(manufacturing and maintaining) weapons of mass destruction.”
-- Scoppertop 10/13/06. Wouldn’t ya’ know...

Paging UN Security Council Members -- get on it pronto, but keep it secret from Neck-Bolton... and don’t forget to freeze the BUSH ENABLERS’ assets that were secreted into their offshore bank accounts! Talk about smoked-offshore bacon... A refund of our taxpayer money from frozen (read: liquidated) Con-U warmonger assets would be a nice bonus outcome to a UN-enforced end to the Iraq war.

NEXT TIME, TRY "WISK!"

Just over one year later, ka-Dubya is busy pulling the dusty “Illusion of WMD” trick out of Iran’s hat, but his magician-costume sleeves are too “rolled up” to hide the nuculars. Bush Enablers can’t even hide their lies under the USS Eisenhower flotilla, now parked near Iran’s Halloween-decorated territorial waters -- a sacrificial lamb if I ever saw one.

Bloody hell! Bush might as well drag Iran’s WMD through the mud of New Orleans so our new neo-media “critics” have something dirty to pounce on, instead of egging Iran to pounce on a territory-invading flotilla... why couldn’t it be Chevon’s “The Condoleezza Rice” sitting out there?

Too bad they don’t teach anything except how to be a white-collar criminal at Con-U. Bush’s last Iran-Gate revelation was part of the closing niceties -- by now, you can see the swerve for yourselves:

“Terrorism and armed conflict are not only threats to
our security, they're the enemies of development and
freedom for millions.”
-- G.W. Bush, 9/14/05

Other security threats and enemies of development and freedom that ka-Dubya fails to mention are: Karl “Bad-mouth” Rove, his VP, his SOD, his SOS, his AG, his speechwriters, his appointees, his invited audiences, his rigged election-machines, his propaganda, his prowling for dissenters, his family history, his corporate lobby, his gouging and subsidies, and his stock-market, war, and oil contractors in top government positions.

WOULD YOU JUMP OFF A CLIFF JUST BECAUSE YOUR BEST FRIEND WANTS TO?

How could we forget our GOPwarts Congress-full of Con-U alumni with blatant disregard for the quality of anyone’s life but their own?

“These” and other Con-U lessons never end, they’re drilled into Bush Enablers’ heads repeatedly until the evil finally merges seamlessly with the gray matter -- Bush Enablers are the annoying little brats with Torture-ette Syndrome that we finally learned to ignore. Years ago. Before our feelings got hurt.

Is it becoming our duty to stoop to their level? It’s a start. There’s a reason that “devil” is nothing more than “evil” with a well-placed “D.” Those who have ears, let them hear the swerve.

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?

T.I.C.* -- or Torture-ette Syndrome?
*by Scoppertop
Copyright 2006

A fine example of an ancient GOPwarts family value, T.I.C. [*Torture Is Cool] probably begins before potty-training. We should feel sorry for parents whose baby-Neanderthals become first-class button-pushers to all the easy targets by kindergarten -- besides giving a whole new meaning to the term, “pusher-man” -- but we don’t.

Somehow, mini-society rewards T.I.C. behaviors -- the easy targets earn more ridicule from a larger audience over time, because the perps create and maintain the target’s negative rove. . . uhhh, role. Eventually, height-intimidated teachers begin their customary appeasement by looking the other way.

THE APRES-TORTURE PARTY

And today’s lesson is. . .so what? Making others look bad makes the perps look goo’oood! Rii’iiight! Perps just wanna-become “bad boys” that every popular girl (or boy -- Down, Gannon!) will lust-forever-after. Fortunately, most T.I.C.-ers end up as adults seeking control-freak careers: Doctor, Lawyer, Congressman, Thief; Banker, Broker, Halliburton Chief! Only a “chosen” few become President.

Future GOPwarters (why does their name sound like a German beer?) probably graduate to full-blown Torture-ette Syndrome (T.S.) in college -- what kind of Neanderthal doesn’t mind being tortured in order to join a club whose sole mission is allowing new members to freely torture rival Neanderthals and newer members, for 3-1/2 more years? Talk about groupstink!

Even their drinking games are a post-barbaric-ritual holdover -- wine was not a new product in the Old Testament -- and why would “popular” Laura marry a drinkin’, tokin’, and cokin’ man unless she was a party-er, too? Curious. More GOPwarters from the beerbong, anyone?

HAUNTED HOUSE OF CARDS

Scoppertop fiend-ly remembers two older boys in our neighborhood using T.I.C.-niques on mice and lizards -- our “bad boys” informed us that members of the animal kingdom can’t feel fear, which made us question why said members run like hell when anybody tries to capture them.

We moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 7. T.I.C.-boy #1 grew up to become a cop (Controller Of People). We found out T.I.C.-boy #2 chose “male witch” as a profession (but don’t you dare call him a warlock!) when a local journalist saw fit to interview him for the paper’s Halloween edition 10 years later.

Said journalist somehow neglected to relate how #2 would hide on his roof and throw down a life-sized “dangling stuffed corpse complete with noose” on top of unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. I’m sure #2’s mother thought his “Halloween Surprise” was funny -- at least he didn’t grow up to be President.

WHO GOES THERE--FIEND OR FOE?

GOPwarts might have a bunch of Forbes 400 billionaires and old party-ers in their club, but there isn’t anything Grand about them, except maybe their compensation-per-second. Then again, all control freaks look alike to Scoppertop -- it’s in the eyes, which always appear habeas corpus-less and cold as a male-witch’s tit. (Down, Gannon!)

Since GOPwarts’ torture bill has “nothing” to do with national security, here’s an ancient toast to protect all Americans from our past and future T.S. sufferers-in-charge:

May Bush never explode your frogs, may Dr. Frist never perform surgery on your non-anaesthetized cats, and may only the sulfurous-smelling devil find out what evil lurks in the hearts of Cheney and Rumsfeld -- and may you never become the easy target “who gets in their way.” Amen.